So how do you attract happiness, beauty, joy, new clients, art inspiration, and other wonder-full things into your life?
Since the theme of this quarters issue is recognizing and showcasing the outstanding achievements of artists from around the world… I thought I would talk about the importance of recognizing your own value, your own achievements, and your own unique talents gifts and abilities.
Why? For many of my clients, who come to me looking for more happiness, you would think that they should be happy already… they have material success, they have position success up the ladder to the top levels of the organization, they have social status, they have name recognition, but they are not happy because their success hinges on how many people they can please, how many accolades they can get, how much public appreciation they can garner, and lately, how many people “like” them… literally on social media, pa literal like! No matter how many compliments, no matter how many awards, people who have professional mastery without personal mastery are like the lanyap… a creature that I was introduced to by one of my show guests, New York Times best selling author Geneen Roth. The lanyap tries to fill its insatiable hunger and eats and eats and eats but there’s an obstruction in his neck so the food never gets digested and so it is in a constant state of yearning hunger and dissatisfaction. I believe it is from one of my favorite books of hers called, “When you eat at the refrigerator… Pull up a chair”
This feeling of Dis-Ease is the result of being recognized by others, what I call professional mastery without the foundation of personal mastery…because you will spend the rest of your life constantly looking for other people’s approval.
This phenomenon of “never enough”“you’re only as good as your last win”“if you get 99 compliments and one insult, you focus only on that insult, ignoring the vast majority of compliments because we are insecure and unstable in our own approval and appreciation of ourselves. This state of mind can lead us to looking for love in all the wrong places and looking for approval from people who cannot or will not or may never be able to give you enough approval that will satisfy you.
And frankly my dear, how the fork do you expect anyone else to approve of you, when you cannot approve of yourself!!
Some recognizable names like Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain and Robin Williams are great examples of having professional mastery, but their personal mastery are not enough to stop the internal critic from driving your life car over a cliff. The alternative is what I call the ability to know and appreciate your own unique talents gifts and abilities so that you bake your own cake… compliments and criticisms are just the icing. Without personal mastery, you are only as good as your last win or success or achievement, so no matter how much you have achieved, you will always feel that someone is waiting for your next win. Case in point, I was fortunate with my book “8 ways to happiness from wherever you are to hit Amazon No. 1 and National Bestseller status, and now if I had a dollar for every time someone asked me what the next book was going to be about and when it was going to come out I would probably make more money than I do from that book lol!
Without personal mastery, fear of failure, fear of success, self sabotage, and the disease of perfectionism will rob you of any joy and happiness that you thought would come with the hard work and long hours but it doesn’t.
If you are a recovering perfectionist like I am, you’ll remember what I call the 3P perfectionist slide… starting with wanting to do things perfectly, called perfectionism and then falling into procrastination because you are afraid that if I can’t do it perfectly then I have to wait until the stars are aligned and I can orchestrate people places and things that I think I can control around me, so I delay and delay… by the way, I’ve always wanted to be a procrastinator but I never got around to it ) lol! And the third P is for paralysis, which many successful people fall into when they do not get treatment for their Dis-ease, as they are not at ease in perfectionism. I have executive coaching client who after a successful 30 years of achievement will wake up one day not able to motivate themselves to get out of bed, be so afraid to try anything new, and or start crying and can’t stop, and sometimes they’re not even sure why they are crying in the first place.
Without personal mastery, the grass is always greener on the other side, that “that” is always beyond reach and so struggle and striving and ultrasensitive taking things personally and going to MSU university, Making Shit Up is common place.
Without personal mastery, that inner critic tells you that when you get compliments, it’s because they really don’t know you and if they did they would see that you’re not really as great as they think you are… That’s classic imposter syndrome. I remember saying often when I was fully in my Perfectionism Dis-Ease “If I could only see myself and feel good about myself 25% of how other others say they view me, then I could be happy.“
But if you cannot appreciate yourself, if you cannot soothe yourself if you cannot operate from self-care, all of which define personal mastery, then it doesn’t matter how much professional mastery and success you have. Because it will never be enough.
So if you are tired of singing the “ I’ll be happy when” song that changes lyrics every time you achieve a goal… and would like your personal mastery to be your solid foundation so you can actually enjoy and acknowledge yourself in professional mastery, the first step is to want to stop saying, “ I am my own worst enemy, I am harder on myself than on anyone around me, that I am my own worst critic, and silence the voice that says “ you’re not all that and who do you think you are?!“
Success on the outside defined by professional mastery is not enough… if you want to feel the joy of success from the inside out and a sense of satisfaction with yourself first and then others, personal mastery is the ticket.
The most important relationship that can give you the appreciation and satisfaction of a job well done or an award received is personal mastery. It can give you compassion and cut you some slack when Missed Takes (formerly known as mistakes) happen.
One of my favorite jobs (I have eight … I know I know… That’s why my show is called “Take My Advice I’m not Using It”) is as a happiness coach and I get front row seats watching professional Masters make peace with their internal critic, who is driving their life car over a cliff… and watch them find their balanced centered selves. It is my personal mastery that allows me to celebrate and appreciate all that I am, all that I have, and all that is still to be… Happy 88% of the time and be the boss of me …that is Personal Mastery .
This new dimension of emotional intelligence is so important to me now that I came out of retirement as a professor to go back to UCLA last fall to teach a course called Leadership Success and Happiness. It’s time we put the “moose on the table”, which is my Canadian version of talking about the elephant in the room, to end the BS belief system that success above all measured with money status and material show. This BS has created Stressed out insecure egomaniacs with an inferiority complex who tried to hide it by numbing out on substances which often accidentally or purposefully end their lives. And that’s why I’m also all about balance, and sign out of every show, which by the way I just celebrated 13 years, 683 consecutive weeks, and 1404 podcast shows but who’s counting ;) with “it’s all about balance …peace in peace out world peace through inner peace.
And I’m taking this message and the book back on tour that was disrupted by Covid so if any of this resonates with you and you have platforms in any of the following countries that you can have me step up onto with this message, please let me know. I will be in Canada for July, Africa for August, the islands for September, back to California for October, Shanghai in November and Taiwan in December.
Thank you for being a partner on my Happy88 mission, 88 million more happy people in the next eight years… and that’s happiness from inside out personal mastery.
This is Dr. Marissa reporting Live in the ACCA JOURNAL
Please free subscribe on my Dr. Marissa YouTube TV channel, where I broadcast on the air and on camera every weekday morning which is syndicated onto my NBC NewsRadio channel KCAA, iHeartRadio, Spotify and more because I want to maximize my splatter zone for more hope and happiness! And I was just informed that I am now at 3,889,000 impressions so obviously this message is making an impression and that makes me happy!!
On a scale of 1 to 8 how happy are you right now on average, where 1= seriously not happy and 8 is unconditionally happy…happy no matter what the conditions of life are around you. Are you happy anywhere? Or are you a high achieving control freaking perfectionist who says, “I’ll be happy WHEN…I have a half a million in the bank, 10 million, a Ferrari, a mansion, my kids get a job, my parents are okay”…and the WHEN keeps changing, so are you ever REALLY happy?
Hi, my name is Dr. Marissa Pei and I was invited to be the featured contributor of this quarter’s issue of the ACCA, to talk about my favorite topic, happiness, and to introduce the 2025 Get Happy Hour Column & Speaker series that will start next year. First, a little background…my doctorate is in Organizational Psychology so I get to consult in Fortune 500 companies and teach at business schools like UCLA on topics like leadership, change management, communication, diversity and success. When I was teaching in the Anderson Graduate School of Management a few decades ago, one of my MBA students came up to me after class and told me my talents were being wasted, that I belonged in front of a camera instead of teaching at a lecture. And that was the beginning of my life in media. As an expert TV commentator, you may have seen me on many ABC, FOX, Discovery and Learning Channel specials including Totally Out of Control People, Busted on the Job, Nostradamus: A Scientific Inquiry and other shows exploring the question, “Why do people do weird things at work?!” As a motivational speaker, I’ve shared my expertise as a business psychologist and happiness guru all over the US, Asia and Europe and shared stages with celebrities like Captain Kirk at the Kodak Theater and Manny Pacquiao in the Philippines. In 2012 I began a podcast show called “Take My Advice, I’m Not Using It: Get Balanced with Dr. Marissa” which has won several awards and continues to this day, 655 consecutive weeks on the air/on camera on NBC News Radio KCAA AM 105 FM 106.5 and streaming on all major platforms, iHeartRadio, Spotify with all 1275 podcast shows on my Youtube TV Channel. As host and producer, I’ve outlasted the prediction that a show about hope and happiness wouldn’t last a year…and more than12 years later, I am still balancing out all the bad news out there with good news and good people like Fran Drescher talking about how to decrease your risk of cancer, TV icons including the late great Maryann from Gilligan’s Island Dawn Wells, Potsie Ralph Malph and Mrs. C. from Happy Days (Anson Williams Donny Most and Marion Cunningham) Carole Baskin from the hit Netflix The Tiger King, Hot Lips Houlihan from M*A*SH*, 4-time world boxing champ Laila Ali and The Cove Dolphin Activist, Ric O’Barry to name just a few. I was introduced to Oprah as ‘the Asian Oprah’, and moonlight as a (Good) News Broadcast Reporter and Journalist, having Red Carpet interviews with celebrities like Halle Berry, John Travolta and the late great Quincy Jones. Along with articles in Inc. and Forbes magazines, my latest book ‘8 Ways to Happiness from Wherever You Are’ is a #1 Amazon and National Bestseller. During Covid, I became an award-winning filmmaker with PPP: Post Pandemic Possibilities short film and my first feature doc ‘The Road to Race’ with solutions to racism without blaming white privilege. My current projects include “Life by a Thousand Cuts” screenplay and a limited series special called “Swipe Me Off My Feet: A System to have fun dating on an app”
I’ve been honored with many honors including the 2005 Role Model of the Year Award in Business and Media; 2007 Remarkable Woman of the Year Award; 2012 Asian Entrepreneur of the Year, 2014 Asian Heritage Award, 2016 Business Lotus Award, 2017 Iconic Women Creating a Better World from the WEF India, 2022 ACMA Media Excellence Award, and 2023 Gestalt OSD Lifetime Achievement Award. Obviously my life motto is "Don't Die Wondering!”
And now I am on a Happy 88 Mission, 88 million more happy people in the next 8 years. Why? Because many people have fallen into the habit of thinking that Life Sucks, that right now, our country is not acting like a United States, and humankind is not so kind. And most people are not happy, and instead of taking responsibility for their own happiness, they are turning to sex drugs and rock and roll to ease the dis-ease they are having with themselves and others.
So the buck stops right over…HERE. With me and you. So if you’re ready to be happier than you are right now, here’s your first #happy88 tip on how to Attract Happiness. Start every morning taking a bite of my Gratitude Sandwich and tell the person next to you 4 things you are grateful for, like hot showers, or fabric softener, or your favorite food. Then before you go to bed at night, instead of worrying about all the things that could go wrong or all the things you didn’t finish doing or all the people that did you wrong, fall asleep thinking about what one quality about yourself that you like…are you caring loving smart funny most of the time? Of course you are…and the only side effect of taking a bite out of this gratitude sandwich is a smile on your face. So, if you are reading this, I hope these words up your Happiness level at least one point, and if you want more, you will join me in person at the Gallery for a Get Happy Hour event, and/or enjoy the Get Happy Hour column that I will be writing for the ICCA next year. This is Dr. Marissa reporting live in print reminding you that life is way too short to be pissed off…and Happiness is your birthright in this thing called life, so CLAIM IT!
